Video Game Design and Development

If you want to include a storyline in your game, you must have some NPCs.  Where there are NPCs, there is dialogue.  We know that interesting storylines and characters are becoming more important as our audience widens and become more “sophisticated”.  So here are some tips for writing better dialogue by way of example (a way to make characters and NPCs more awesomer and deeper). 

But first, example dialogue:
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ERIN GARBER: “If you keep it up, he’s not going to live to tell us what we need.”

GARRETT HENNER: “You don’t get to tell me how to get it done. Not anymore. I don’t think he knows anyhow.”

ERIN GARBER: “Well, we’ll never know if you keep it up. Maybe we should let him go.”

GARRETT HENNER: “If he’s gonna break, it’ll be in the next few minutes. You’re gonna give me five more minutes with him. We’ll sort it all out after that.”

ERIN GARBER: “Garrett… GARR… ett… This is going to end badly.”

[mobile phone rings]

ERIN GARBER: “Unknown Caller? Could only be one person.”

ERIN GARBER: “Garber.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “I told you, Garber, Barry walks out quietly or our little ‘deal’ ends.”

ERIN GARBER: “I’m taking care of it right now. I told you not to call me. I will call you when its done.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “I don’t think you have this under control. Isn’t your partner with Barry right now? I didn’t tell you to let Henner have his way.”

ERIN GARBER: “As I’ve said, ‘I have it under control’.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “Three hours alone with Henner isn’t ‘control.’ If you can’t give me Barry, then this conversation is over.”

ERIN GARBER: “Barry will be leaving soon. Henner is not a problem.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “For your sake, I hope he’s not. Seems you have another couple minutes before your partner ‘allows’ you to break-up his little meeting.”

ERIN GARBER: “Are you spying on me?”

DONNIE FELLAR: “You have under estimated just how long my reach is.”

ERIN GARBER: “After this, we’re done. I do what you want and you leave her alone. Right?”

DONNIE FELLAR: “I think you have enough to worry about right now. Focus on the task at hand and make sure my man is taken care of, this is the last time I am going to tell you.”

ERIN GARBER: “I think you under estimate just how long ‘my’ reach is. I’ll call you when I’m done. Then we’re done.”

[caller hangs up]

ERIN GARBER: “Have a nice day to you too.”

[walking to interrogation room]

ERIN GARBER: “Why would Fellar be keeping tabs on me here? He won’t give my sister a break. I can’t trust him. I’m not sure I can trust anyone here. Okay Erin, stop talking to yourself and get it over with.”

[opens interrogation room door]

GARRETT HENNER: “Alright Barry, have it your way!”

ERIN GARBER: “Henner, I need you for a minute.”

GARRETT HENNER: “I’ll be back Barry. Don’t you go anywhere. Got that? Hrmph.”

ERIN GARBER: “Garret, we have to let him go. We don’t have enough evidence to keep him and I don’t think he is going to give us what we need.”

GARRETT HENNER: “By my count, I still got over a minute left with good ‘ol Barry. I’ll get what we need.”

ERIN GARBER: “Garrett, if we let him go, we get to see where he goes. You can chase the tail in circles or wait for the head to come to you.”

GARRETT HENNER: “Yeah, sometimes a good chase is just plain ‘ol fun.”

ERIN GARBER: “Henner, get him out of here. I have something I need to take care of.”

GARRETT HENNER: “You got it.”

[walks away and dials mobile phone]

ERIN GARBER: “Fellar, Barry is on his way out.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “Good girl.”

ERIN GARBER: “So we’re done.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “Not until I get my man back.”

ERIN GARBER: “All he has to do is make it out the door, hail his golden chariot, and ride off into the sunset. He’s not my problem anymore.”

[two shots fired]

DONNIE FELLAR: “Sounds like you have a problem, Garber.”

ERIN GARBER: “Why did you make such a big stink if you were just going to kill him?”

DONNIE FELLAR: “Barry is no good to me dead. You couldn’t deliver. Its time to visit your sister.”

ERIN GARBER: “Fellar, we can work something out.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “You don’t have anything I want.”

ERIN GARBER: “Maybe not, but a man like you is bound to need my ’services’.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “You couldn’t even get Barry back to me. Why would I want your ’services’?”

ERIN GARBER: “Who ever killed Barry is probably just starting. They might be clearing a path that leads to you.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “…I’m listening…”

ERIN GARBER: “Here’s the deal. I find who shot Barry and you wipe the slate clean with my sister.”

DONNIE FELLAR: “…I’ll give you 2 days. Bring the shooter to me.”

[caller hangs up]

ERIN GARBER: “I hate it when he does that.”
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I know the dialogue above is not the best in the world, but it ain’t that bad for about 15 minutes of effort. So, lets spend some time on the tips.

1. Introduce problems:
   We play games to solve problems.  How we solve them is dictated by the gameplay, but its easy to let the game characters show you problems, even from the start. “If you keep it up, he’s not going to live to tell us what we need.”  The first line is simple and defines a problem (”conflict” if you prefer).  It gives the player a reason to keep going down the rabbit hole.
2. Leave questions open for the player to answer:
   When a player questions what is happening and why, it gives them purpose.  They are engaged in finding answers (or better yet confirming their assumptions - more on this later), as well as using your game mechanics to play.  Questions the player will want to ask can be about NPC motives, insights to their character’s personality, plans to solve the problem, what are the consequences of action/inaction, etc.  In the example provided, did you ever wonder (even if for a second) what does Erin do for a living?  Do you have any guesses?  Why would those guesses be reasonable? Most importantly, how did these questions come to the front?  Notice we never directly reveal the occupation, but we know Erin and Garrett are interrogating someone.  So it is safe to assume that most players will have preconceived ideas of “who” would be interrogating people.  Play off of the assumptions… which leads us to…
3. Be semi-transparent:
   Everyone likes to feel smart (well… most people do).  When we introduce questions, the player will inevitably start guessing the answers, based on what they know.  Keep in mind, the player may not know much about your game world, but they do have experience in the real world (or by proxy using existing media).  What I really mean here is that people are going to jump to conclusions (like we did when we ventrued guesses about Erin’s job).  Let the player be right more often than not (stick to answer you think the “average” person would assume from the beginning).  This gives the player a chance to be right, without using a built-in mechanic.  It gives the player a sense of achievement that it easy to include.  However, the player should not “always” be right.  It is nice to be surprised every once in a while.  It gives some people the sense of growth… Their own little personal paradigm shift.
4. Answer the questions:
   One of the questions I hoped you would ask when reading the example is “Who are they interogating and why?”  Once Garrett (Henner) goes back into the interrogation room, Erin gets a call that gives us some answers (while proposing more questions).  We know Garrett is interrogating Barry.  We now also know that the caller, “Fellar,” has a link to Barry… which gives us the impression that Barry and (by extension) Fellar are up to “no good.”  But, for every question we have answered, we have brought up new questions.  That is key here.  We want to give the player a reason to continue caring about the character and NPCs.  Leaving  more questions to answer give us a reason to “care” (though not every player will react the same).  It is encouraged (in my opinion) to leave “big” (highly consequential) questions open for a little while.  These open questions get answered by playing (little rewards).  Notice how the true relationship between Erin, Garrett, and Fellar are not clearly defined.  We are not sure if Erin truly trusts Henner (”I’m not sure I can trust anyone here.”), what is the connection between Fellar and Erin’s sister (”I find who shot Barry and you wipe the slate clean with my sister.”), or how Fellar is connected to Barry (we never got the information out of Barry…. what information was there to get and why is it important?).
5. Show some personality:
   Expose “tidbits” about your characters while they talk.  This tip is obvious, but sometimes people are at a loss for implementation.  Garrett uses less formal language and incomplete sentences ”gonna”, “Got that?”, etc and is presented as gruff and curt (if not a bit rough).  Erin tends to use more formal speech and is introspective (”Okay Erin, stop talking to yourself and get it over with.”), which, hopefully, matches some of the players personality.  Fellar is direct and controlling (”Focus on the task at hand and make sure my man is taken care of, this is the last time I am going to tell you.”).  Using speech patterns (tone and word-choice specifically), builds a character in our mind.  If you model a character or NPC after someone you know, it makes the process a little easier.  More likely than not, the player will also recognise these traits in someone they know and will subconsciously relate (on some level).  The speech patterns also reveal a bit about the relationships between characters.  How information is conveyed is often more important than what is said (”You don’t get to tell me how to get it done.  Not anymore…”  “… Maybe we should let him go.”)  We see that Garrett has a little bit of resentment for Erin’s past judgement and that Erin uses “kids gloves” when coaxing a response she wants.  She is smart enough to plant the seed to let Barry go long before she issues an order, which for a “rough” guy like Garrett, make some sort of sense (not to mention the foreshadowing, but that’s another topic).
6. Keep it simple (and short):
   Every thought a character presents is condensed into a few sentences.  This mirrors how we have conversations in real life.  Unless all your friends refuse to let you talk (ever), then conversation is a bi-directional event.  People take turns making small points or affirming a point someone else just made.  If you have a long monologue, the player may feel detached from the game (less immersion).  By controlling the pacing of the dialogue, we can spend more time “talking” by breaking dialogue into a “rapid” succession of short speeches.  Forcing yourself to condense speech also encourages you (the writer/designer) to get to the point more quickly; simplifying the messages you need to deliver and tying them to questions/answers and in-game actions.

As games progress, I am convinced we will see more stories in video games.  As the stories become a more prevalent piece of the video game puzzle, dialogue will become richer.  Hopefully, these tips will help you enrich your dialogue and player immersion.  Feel free to comment.  Let me know where I am right and wrong or share your own ideas.